"Does he come to visit in spirit?"
I get that it’s difficult to believe.
I get that there’s layers and layers of skepticism in the logical mind based on the society that we exist in - not you, not your desire to believe, your desire to not believe.
It’s like everybody else’s ideas and beliefs and fears – it really is all in you, like parts of you you have to deal with.
That’s what I see.
It’s like people are in your life to support you and challenge you and you’ve got them all, all kinds of them.
You think the way you think and people challenge the way you think sometimes and then it makes you question the way you think.
But I think you know more than what people understand and that’s what I want to tell you.
I come and go in many different ways.
I’ve made the lights flick.
I’ve made things move around and I’ve shown you who I am in different creatures not just one.
I won’t stay stagnant.
I can’t.
That’s not me.
That’s not you.
That’s not who we came to be.
We’re more expansive than that.
We challenge each other to find each other.
It feels like that – like I’ll do everything I can but it’s not just up to me. You’ve got a certain part to play in this. Some of what happens is affected by your state of mind, your state of grief, your state of openness, your state of willingness, your state of fear and anybody else’s fears that are projected on you and creating any sense of doubt in your mind.
Boy, there’s a lot of that around and I don’t blame you.
Nobody does.
What we’re trying to do is different than most. We’re trying to make this real in a way where it’s not just you talking to your son in heaven but you having a conversation now where the insight he has can actually help you.
It does flip things around on us, doesn’t it? It kind of puts us in a position where we switch roles.
But you know what I can tell you now, mom, that I couldn’t say to you then?
I get it. You don’t know everything and I’m sorry if I ever expected you to know things that you couldn’t possibly have known. That you were just figuring it out just like everybody else and so am I and I want you to know that.
I’m not some ascended master or guru.
I am, and I think I can be, considered a guardian angel.
I think that’s a badge I can wear because I think I know now why I couldn’t stay.
It was impossible for me to contain myself in any limited idea of being.
I just wanted more of me to be real.
I just wanted to know that what I felt was real.
I wanted it so bad that I had to experience it for myself.
There’s just something to the exploration of self that is what I am born for.
I can’t just be what everybody else is and I can’t pretend that’s all there is to it.
I never could.
"Does he have any regrets of his action?"
If I could shift an experience it would most definitely be the part where it all affects you and everyone else. It’s not something that I feel I want to say I’m proud of or regret. It’s a point of contention on my soul’s journey that I’m here to work with and evolve beyond. I see that now. I don’t have all the answers but I do feel willing to explore it.
I can’t stay in an energy of shame, guilt or regret.
It’s impossible here.
But the feeling is one of remorse, one of a way of being purposefully driven to overcome the animosity of self that allowed me to feel so offended by the institutionalization of my being that I would prefer to release myself from life itself.
I feel that we each have a journey and that regardless of the events leading up to it we also have a time to pass on to a new experience of being.
I do feel that our affinity with life is affected by our soul’s purpose.
So, maybe there was more to it than even I can put into words right now.
Maybe there was more to it than any of us could ever have purposefully understood.
Maybe there’s something beyond that you and I are going to explore together that will help us both evolve beyond the effects of this kind of experience – soulfully and humanly.
Message from a son in spirit to his Mom
Channeled June 2020
via Laura Mirante
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